Is Romance a Luxury?
Preface
I spend a considerable amount of time thinking and writing about strategy, brand building, and the work we do to shape our culture.
But there are other things I think about just as much, quiet questions I wrestle with in my group chats, over drinks, in late-night conversations that stretch into something therapeutic. Fellas, we still need to be in therapy, and this will never be a substitute. However, it does help with community building and having in-depth conversations that foster growth, accountability, transparency, and love - or, as I like to describe it, agape.
I am bringing my safe space to the forefront for such conversations.
For the parts of being a man, especially a man trying to build, provide, and become, where nobody gave us a blueprint. For the topics that don’t always have clean answers. For the moments when we find ourselves unlearning what was imposed upon us and learning how to feel more human in the process.
These essays might take many twists and turns. They might be messy. However, I think something is healing when I talk about them out loud.
Is Romance a Luxury?
On ambition, self-worth, and the quiet belief that love has to wait until you’re “ready.”
A few weeks ago, I was at a Penmanship event hosted by NARC. They asked us three questions:
What does intimacy mean to you?
What does pleasure mean to you?
What does romance mean to you?
When it came to romance, I wrote: Romance is a luxury. ”
And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.
For a lot of men, especially those building something that feels stable, romance often feels like something you can only afford once your life is finally “in order.” When the money is stable. When the career is stable. When you, yourself, finally feel worthy.
It’s the unspoken belief that love comes as a reward. It waits patiently for you to arrive at the finish line. That is, until you can prove you’re enough, financially, emotionally, and spiritually, romance is a frivolous distraction. A liability, even.
If I’m honest, there are moments I’ve told myself that love is allergic to me. But maybe that’s just a convenient mask. A defense mechanism that lets me keep “building” without having to face what it means to be open. To be vulnerable. To let someone see me before I feel “ready.”
I wonder how many of us are quietly putting love on layaway, believing we’ll cash it in when we finally arrive somewhere better.
I wonder how many of us are afraid that change could come, and that we’d have no excuse left to stay hidden behind our work.
Maybe romance isn’t a luxury. Perhaps it’s an everyday practice. Maybe it’s a mirror that shows you exactly where you are, ready or not.
I don’t have the answers. I’m just trying to be honest about the questions.
Penmanship: A Men’s Expression Workshop Hosted by Joél Leon x NARC 5/14
If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you:
When has romance felt like a luxury to you?
Reply to this email or drop a comment below. Let’s talk about it.